Who Am I

 

Who Am I? by Deitrich Bonhoeffer

Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a Squire from his country house.

Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As thought it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equably, smilingly, proudly,
like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectations of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all.

Who am I? This or the Other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine!

Lent, loaned

Lent, loaned --  

     one meaning temporary;

     Season of Lent

     promises permanence: 

     God with us. 

  

In the world of commerce

Easter fosters new wardrobes

for our church going.  

But nature helps tell

the resurrection story:

Once buried in cold earth,

her plantings emerge

in new forms and colors, 

offering us sustenance

and the promise of new life.

It behooves us to

tend our gardens

of faith and learning,

responding as changed beings,

bathed in year-round Easter joy!

--Pauline Walle

Six Questions

In reading a Lenten meditation written by Frederick Buechner, an American writer and theologian, I came across six questions which he says that ”during Lent, Christians are supposed to ask one way or another what it means to be themselves.”  They are taken from his book Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC published in 1973.

Here they are, from the pen of Frederick Buechner, six questions for Lenten reflection.

1. If you had to bet everything you had on whether there is a God or whether there isn’t which side would get your money and why?

2. When you look at your face in the mirror what do you see in it that you most like and what do you see in it that you most deplore?

3. If you had only one last message to leave to a handful of people who are most important to you what would it be in 25 words or less?

4. Of all the things you have done in your life, which is the one you would most like to undo?  Which is the one that makes you the happiest to remember?

5. Is there any person in the world, or any cause that if circumstances called for it, you would be willing to die for?

6. If this were the last day of your life, what would you do with it?

Seeking Meaning

SEEKING MEANING

                                                                       ~by Aileen Williams

Soon after graduating from college, newly married, and beginning to teach high school students, a heading printed on a church bulletin caught my attention.  It seemed to be a directive  for life.    It read:  “Live life then with responsibility, not as those who do not know the meaning of life, but those who do. Make the best use of your time, despite all the difficulties of these days.” (Ephesians 5:15, Phillips Translation).  

I had never seen this passage translated so directly.   The passage seemed to give a framework for making choices and having a perspective on the use of time.  In that early part of my life, it gave a framework that helped me a great deal.  Identifying those who might know the “meaning of life” intrigued me.   What did they say it meant?  And what were the differences in how they lived?

Decades later I have come to some conclusions.  People who know the “meaning of life” know that LIFE is bigger than they are.  They are aware that it is a gift to have life and that the time they have is especially precious because of relationships with God and God’s children.

They are aware that Christ’s message about giving one’s life away is a path to find the “meaning of life”.  As a child growing up in a parsonage, my family entertained  many guests who were serving others in a variety of ways and locations.  As I sat at the dinner table listening to conversations with them and my parents, I recognized the inner joy they carried, and the depth of compassion they had for others.  They had found meaning through service and it radiated through their words and actions.

Lent is a time to become more attentive, to look for meaning, to live more responsibly.  And to remember in the life of Jesus we have the greatest example of one who taught the meaning of this life and beyond.

People who know the meaning of life are attentive.  They have learned that in

many different ways, guidance, direction and support can be experienced.  They don’t suppose that they have the answers, but they know how to pose questions which push them to be more attentive.  It may be through an experience with nature, through someone else’s experience, through music, through loving, through words read or heard, through the still small voice that comes if we are attentive.

Knowing the meaning of life alters what we expect from it.  Those who don’t know the meaning believe that life owes them something.  They feel cheated if their expectations are not met.

Those who know the meaning of life, however, are engulfed in gratitude.  Someone

Has written that at the end of life, saints have only one prayer, and it is “thank you”.  To have a heart of gratitude changes how we understand good and bad experiences.  The Ephesians passage acknowledges there will be “difficult days”, but those who understand life live responsibly even in difficulty and still have grateful hearts.

 

Fear Not

I recently traveled for about one month in December - over the holidays and returned on the 8th of January.  I often travel alone and have no fear -  Fortunately - I am returning to that point of having no fear but being more vigilant and skeptical.  While during the last two days of my  trip -  I was with friend whom I had not  seen for quite a while.  Over the years - we continue to nurture our relationship through continuous communicate.  She took me to a very nice restaurant where we enjoyed each other along with an enjoyable meal.  Afterwards we were going to visit others whom I had met some time ago but didn't remember.  ( just setting the stage) - She is older than I (maybe that's hard to believe) - drives a 2014 Honda Accord).  We are not decrepit and were dressed for the outing.  She has snow white hair and looks great.  As we were driving to our destination - my friend made a wrong turn.  We were not going fast and we were in an upscale neighborhood complex.  A car behind us blew the horn.  After blowing again - my friend pulled over - stopped & lowered the window to wave him by.  He didn't pass by but parked his car on the incline - approached us -  was carrying on a conversation - and seemed pleasant. He was a decent looking man seeming to be helpful.  My friend had her purse on her lap and so did I -  in seconds -  he lunged into the car -  grabbed her purse and tried to grab mine - I held onto her purse trying to keep him from taking it but to no avail - he got hers -  not mine -  ran back to his car and backed down the hill and fled.  We were both devastated.  Fortunately -  we reached our destination - called the police -  my friend canceled her important cards and took care of all necessary things.  I was able to go to that sleep but when my eyes opened -  so did my mind. l relived the incident over and over again.  I was scared - very nervous - grateful and totally shook up.  During the brief incident -  my heart was beating so rapidly that I felt it could have been see through my shirt. 

  While & after talking to the police - I think we were both calm.  Later when my friend and I were alone -  I said -  "we need to regroup and count our blessings".  Except for a few scratches on my friend's hand -  and I think he bumped her head as he was pulling the purse -  we were uninjured -  no weapon was pulled  and we think if he had had a weapon -  he would have pulled it and gotten both purses.  We were completely blessed and not alone.  Like l said -  I travel often  by myself -  I pray B/4 I depart on a trip -  even going someplace nearby in my car - while traveling and constantly.  I feel God's presence with me.  I know I am not alone.  I am grateful.

There have been many times in my life that I have encountered God's grace .  This was the most recent.  The recollection of scripture verse goes like this -  

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

   My self imposed therapy has been talking to others - writing and praying.  I can now be with people - (because for almost a week or more -  I could not be with people for fear that they would ask me about my trip and it was hard not to cry - talk and not feel the fear in my body -  I am not trembling any more - I am not crying - I am not there as yet but I feel soon will be.   This  complete recovery must be soon as I leave again on the 18th -  Ash Wednesday.

For by grace you have been saved

Reading for Reflection   Eph. 3:14-21Eph. 2:8   

“For by grace you have been saved

through faith and this is not your own doing,

It is the gift of God.”

  

Some of you know that on Jan. 2 while skiing with my family I took a fall.  I fractured my pelvis and sprained my right thumb.  With fractures on the left and a sprain on the right, my mobility was limited a good deal.  By night time I am quite tired and not up to do much except lie and be still. I have taken to watching a PBS series entitled, “Call the Midwife.”  It is set in the 1950’s on the poor side of London. The nurse midwives consist of young women and an order of Anglican sisters. They all live together in a convent and serve their neighboring community. As each new baby is born, the new mother and midwife await that first breath and the cries that follow. It reminds me that, from our beginnings, we follow the rhythm of inward and outward breathing.

  So, it is with the spiritual life. We draw inward to soak in God’s Spirit and we go outward to serve a needy world.   Inwardly we pray and outwardly we connect with others. Lent is a season to draw inward, to focus on the spiritual disciplines, so that we may be strengthened to serve God and neighbor.  John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist movement taught about this vital connection of personal and social holiness.

Such words may seem foreign to us in the present day. Though the wording is old, the concept is still important for us to learn and put into use so that we might have a vital faith. We still need to draw close to God and others in Christian community as well as live out our faith by caring for others.  How we do this changes over the years. What we call these practices also changes. There is room for various means of achieving the same ends.

Some of my present practices include the so-called “inward” practices of prayer, meditation, reading of scripture and other devotional materials, journaling, silence, retreats and monthly spiritual direction. I participate in private and public worship and the sacraments. My primary acts of service include the private ones of family life and stewardship of resources as well as the public ones of visiting the sick and the bereaved, of teaching, and of welcoming newcomers. I am also privileged to represent our congregation at certain community affairs. 

  Currently through circumstance, (the fall I took), and through plan, (the month of renewal leave), I am in a season of drawing inward. I have more time to pray and to reflect.  I have been richly blessed with the generosity and kindness of others. This is not to say it has all been smooth sailing. I have been ill tempered at times and then I get to practice the spiritual discipline of apology. 

 In this season of Lent, this time of re-examining our relationship with  God, may our faith be renewed and restored.

  ~Pastor Nancy